I've been so busy these days, I've completely neglected my magic! But for some reason, this past week, I've been really down--about school, life, everything. Only, I couldn't quite put my finger on what was making me feel that way (aside from the weather, the obvious culprit). And since Felix has been feeling a little off this week, too, we decided to ask the Tarot about it.
When I'm doing readings with Felix, we opt for simple, three-card spreads: past, present, and future. The first card explains what events and forces have led up to your current state; the second card diagnoses your present situation or state of mind; and the third card advises your next course of action. As usual, our readings rang surprisingly true, and helped to put things into perspective.
Past: The Moon
This card represents illusion, psychic awakening, decisions, crisis of faith. It's one of the major arcana, which are strong cards to have in a reading, and speak to larger themes in your life. These past few weeks--but not just the past few weeks--I've been doubting myself a lot. I'm never sure if the assignments I turn in are any good, and I've been worrying that I won't be able to get all of my work done. But the card also indicates that these limitations are self-imposed. It means I haven't been taking enough time to myself, and that my negative thoughts have been holding me back.
Present: Three of Swords
As a suit, swords indicate mental/intellectual struggles. The third card in this suit acknowledges the disappointment you feel at the loss of an ideal, and can represent heartbreak and sorrow. In my case, I think that speaks to the fact that being a grad student with a child is not and cannot be the same as being a single gal in undergrad. My time is split in many directions, and I have to make compromises to keep up with everything. Which is the root of my trouble at the moment: I need to accept that this is a different time in my life, and not beat myself up for not being as dedicated a student as I used to be.
Future: Judgement, reversed
This card represents self-judgement, renewal, truth, forgiveness, and the past. Upside-down, its meaning is slightly altered, indicating a delay, because of the past getting in the way. But the main message of this reversed card is that I've been judging myself too harshly, which I think is true. I've been putting too much stock in the opinions of others, which usually only brings me down. This card says that what really counts is what you believe about yourself. Which is something I'm trying to keep in mind as I move forward.
Past: Six of Swords
This card indicates that, while your problems aren't entirely resolved, you'll at least enjoy a little distance from them. For Felix, I think this speaks to his time at school. It was a little rocky at first, adjusting to his new routine, being on his own during the day. But over the past few months, he's really hit his stride. On his first report card, his teacher said that he's a bright young boy, who loves to learn, and always follows the rules--though he does struggle with saying goodbye to his parents in the morning. Which leads nicely to his second card....
Present: Five of Pentacles
This card, as you might guess, represents hardship. But importantly, the card indicates that the struggle you're undergoing might be due to a fear of losing something, rather than actual loss. It also speaks to isolation. And poor Felix has been having hard time with this. Maybe it's the winter, maybe it's cabin fever, but he's been feeling low, and especially clingy to yours truly. He simply doesn't want to be with anyone else. It's all wrapped up in my own school schedule, which this semester keeps me away from him much more than he's used to.
Future: The Sun
Felix was very happy to get this card, which indicates that the future brings the promise of recuperation, growth, and happiness--in a word, springtime! I have a feeling that as soon as the weather breaks, we'll all be feeling much better about our lives. We'll be able to play outside, we'll be feeling energized, and everything will be great. This card also indicates that a relationship with a child will be nurtured, which hopefully means that as our moods improve, Felix will start to feel more secure, and will be feeling less separation anxiety.
As usual, this has made me feel much better about all of my silly troubles--especially since, according to the Tarot, they're all in my mind! Same with Felix! This isn't the first time our readings have corresponded. The presence of swords in both of our readings means we tend to overthink things, and deal with a lot of inner-turmoil. Like mother like son. But at least we're not alone!