the tarot will teach you

I've been so busy these days, I've completely neglected my magic! But for some reason, this past week, I've been really down--about school, life, everything. Only, I couldn't quite put my finger on what was making me feel that way (aside from the weather, the obvious culprit). And since Felix has been feeling a little off this week, too, we decided to ask the Tarot about it. 

When I'm doing readings with Felix, we opt for simple, three-card spreads: past, present, and future. The first card explains what events and forces have led up to your current state; the second card diagnoses your present situation or state of mind; and the third card advises your next course of action. As usual, our readings rang surprisingly true, and helped to put things into perspective. 

 My Reading: 

Past: The Moon

This card represents illusion, psychic awakening, decisions, crisis of faith. It's one of the major arcana, which are strong cards to have in a reading, and speak to larger themes in your life. These past few weeks--but not just the past few weeks--I've been doubting myself a lot. I'm never sure if the assignments I turn in are any good, and I've been worrying that I won't be able to get all of my work done. But the card also indicates that these limitations are self-imposed. It means I haven't been taking enough time to myself, and that my negative thoughts have been holding me back. 

Present: Three of Swords

As a suit, swords indicate mental/intellectual struggles. The third card in this suit acknowledges the disappointment you feel at the loss of an ideal, and can represent heartbreak and sorrow. In my case, I think that speaks to the fact that being a grad student with a child is not and cannot be the same as being a single gal in undergrad. My time is split in many directions, and I have to make compromises to keep up with everything. Which is the root of my trouble at the moment: I need to accept that this is a different time in my life, and not beat myself up for not being as dedicated a student as I used to be. 

Future: Judgement, reversed 

This card represents self-judgement, renewal, truth, forgiveness, and the past. Upside-down, its meaning is slightly altered, indicating a delay, because of the past getting in the way. But the main message of this reversed card is that I've been judging myself too harshly, which I think is true. I've been putting too much stock in the opinions of others, which usually only brings me down. This card says that what really counts is what you believe about yourself. Which is something I'm trying to keep in mind as I move forward. 

Felix's reading:

Past: Six of Swords

This card indicates that, while your problems aren't entirely resolved, you'll at least enjoy a little distance from them. For Felix, I think this speaks to his time at school. It was a little rocky at first, adjusting to his new routine, being on his own during the day. But over the past few months, he's really hit his stride. On his first report card, his teacher said that he's a bright young boy, who loves to learn, and always follows the rules--though he does struggle with saying goodbye to his parents in the morning. Which leads nicely to his second card....

Present: Five of Pentacles

This card, as you might guess, represents hardship. But importantly, the card indicates that the struggle you're undergoing might be due to a fear of losing something, rather than actual loss. It also speaks to isolation. And poor Felix has been having  hard time with this. Maybe it's the winter, maybe it's cabin fever, but he's been feeling low, and especially clingy to yours truly. He simply doesn't want to be with anyone else. It's all wrapped up in my own school schedule, which this semester keeps me away from him much more than he's used to. 

Future: The Sun

Felix was very happy to get this card, which indicates that the future brings the promise of recuperation, growth, and happiness--in a word, springtime! I have a feeling that as soon as the weather breaks, we'll all be feeling much better about our lives. We'll be able to play outside, we'll be feeling energized, and everything will be great. This card also indicates that a relationship with a child will be nurtured, which hopefully means that as our moods improve, Felix will start to feel more secure, and will be feeling less separation anxiety.

As usual, this has made me feel much better about all of my silly troubles--especially since, according to the Tarot, they're all in my mind! Same with Felix! This isn't the first time our readings have corresponded. The presence of swords in both of our readings means we tend to overthink things, and deal with a lot of inner-turmoil. Like mother like son. But at least we're not alone!

early birds vs night owls

When asked how our school year is going so far, my response is usually something like, "It'll be better once we get into the swing of things." Not to say it isn't going well--it's only been a week after all! But having begun the semester right before a three day weekend, I don't think either me or The Boy are yet in our groove. People always stress the importance of establishing a routine for little ones, but I find a daily regimen truly integral to my own peace of mind. Now that I've begun my masters program, there's no way I'll be able to stay on top of everything without devoting specific times of day to work, study, chores, et cetera. Writing takes concentration, after all, and it's hard for me to get in the right mindset at the drop of a hat. Obviously, I'm not alone in this--writers are known for their strict regimens and quirky habits. But, does all this planning and self control really work? Can you truly enhance your productivity by dictating your daily routine? Writer and Renaissance Woman Maria Popova shares my curiosity. Below, see the handy info graphic she compiled for Brain Pickings Magazine, which neatly expresses the relationship of various famous author's wake-up times to their literary accomplishments. Whether the relationships here expressed are causal or merely correlative, I find them fascinating! 

I've always been an early riser, mornings being my most productive time of day. However, when you're consistently awoken by a certain someone at 5:00am (or earlier!) for the past two weeks running, mornings can lose their magic. Not to mention the detrimental effect said young person's presence has on my ability to concentrate. The implication above is that these individuals had the luxury of choosing to wake up at 4:00am. Notably missing from this analysis is the number of children each of these individuals were responsible for when writing their various masterpieces--another study altogether, and one I'd like to see!

Portraits by Wendy Macnaughton

summer's dead

I haven't been very interested in blogging lately (it' been making me feel a little too white, if you know what I mean, and anyway I'm busy) but things are happening, times are changing (though perhaps not as much as we'd like) and it's time to turn over a new, old autumnal leaf upinhere. To wit, last night Chase and I took the boy to his very first Montessori open house, in preparation for his first day of school THIS TUESDAY (eep)! En route, I was trying to put my finger on exactly why I was nervous--after all, it wasn't my back-to-school night--and then I realized that attending parent-teacher night as The Parent was easily the most adult thing I've ever done. And yet, confusingly, the experience was punctuated with waves of sensory nostalgia that left me feeling sharply in tune with my six year old self: the scent of school children in sneakers running around a poorly ventilated gymnasium in late august; the spaghetti dinner served buffet-style on folding tables wrapped in butcher paper; the floral mélange of mom-and-teacher-perfume… it was all so much! Sort of intense for a while. Plus it was quite a change, being surrounded by all those children, as I've gotten pretty used to bb-boi being the only little guy around (or for that matter, the only anybody around). I guess I don't know what I'm trying to say here. I've got an in-between-y feeling, like the scene's about to change and I'm experiencing the present moment from a distance. It's weird! It's a detached, late-summer, middle-of-nowhere sort of feeling…  for those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, this children's editorial by Oliver Spies for the No. 44 issue of Milk Magazine, entitled "Hockney's Pool," captures it perfectly.  

praise ostara!

I know it was nearly a week ago, but isn't easter the most magical holiday? And I feel it must be the oldest one, right? The return of springtime? As a secular catholic, I feel I ought to celebrate certain holy days despite having no religious conviction with which to endorse their purported messages to my son. In this case, I'm relieved by considering the fact that the story of the resurrection of christ is itself a retelling of man's oldest story, that of the sun. Setting aside the moribund cross, none of the various life-and or light-affirming symbols of the holiday--eggs, rabbits, flames, white lilies--have anything to do with jesus per se, and it so clearly doesn't matter because they all just mean the same thing, the best and happiest message of all! The only real issue I take with the catholic celebration of easter is this: why insist on celebrating it on the sunday following a full moon when you could just celebrate it the natural way, weekdays be damned? Sometimes I wonder if might achieve more internal rhythm, or find greater peace of mind, if the world around me followed a lunar calendar. Why adhere to a somewhat accurate system of logging celestial events when you can just watch them happen? And to think of that pink moon this year, especially?

Of course we're all free to let the easterly light of the sun find its way to our hearts in its own way--preferably, nine days ago in the form of pink moonlight. But, due to work schedules and cloudy weather, we spent a gregorian easter after all--in beautiful, charming nearby-ohio-farmland, no less! I'm very lucky to have somewhere so proximal and idyllic to escape to! It was the best most relaxing weekend, after one of the busiest weeks I can remember. And o, what a day! I sat in the sunshine for simply hours! We ate tasty snacks, a delicious roast lamb, and, just like Jane Fonda and Barbara Striesand, the best cake in america.  In fact, I don't think I did anything all day except eat and read all about northwest (per hamish bowles) and easterly smybols in this book, which is maybe a little apocryphal but again, it's hard to disappoint me when discussing symbology and springtime. It was wonderful! I felt like I could see the land growing into life all around me! Isn't it magical?! I hope you're all feeling this way!

big news!

I thought it was worth breaking my month-long blogger's silence to tell you guys that all of our dreams are coming true! Not only have I recently been accepted at Carnegie Mellon University, where I'll begin graduate school in the fall; just yesterday, we received a letter informing us that Felix has been admitted to the preschool program at the Montessori School right down the street! It's the news we've been waiting for--Friendship Montessori is the only public school in town that accepts three year olds, and competition is allegedly hot. But, they couldn't keep us down! Everything's coming up Wodzak!

Of course, I don't have any photos of us at our respective future institutions as of yet... so please enjoy these pix from our recent trip to the Carnegie Museum of Natural History! Because, that's pretty educational, right? It was our first time visiting, and I highly recommend it. We went mainly to see the Dino's (one of Felix's newest obsessions) but were pretty taken with the rest of the exhibits, too. Admittance isn't cheap (around $20 per person) but you get access to both the natural history and the art museums, so in the end it's pretty worth it. 

Felix was fairly entertained by the art museum, though he did take issue with some of the artwork we saw; according to him, "every good picture has a lady." He was far less critical at the Natural History Museum, naturally. He loved the giant dinosaur skeletons, which we'd heretofore only seen peeking through the window in the stacks at the neighboring Carnegie Public Library. And there were dinosaur models, blocks and puzzles... he even got to hold a cast of a T-Rex tooth! 

But I'm sure his favorite part was when they gave him a pair of goggles and let him use a chisel and a brush to 'dig' for dino bones.

Look at that concentration! He's so ready for school, and I know he will love it! So proud of my little one! It's funny, but the idea of us starting school together makes me a little less nervous--we can help each other out! I can't wait!

the snowy day

Yesterday, as the sun was shining and the temperature finally climbed to just below freezing, I felt it was high time Felix and I bucked up, bundled up, and went out into the world for some snowy day fun.  And I'm so glad we did!

Good old friendship park! It's always there when we need it. People around here are always talking about how Frick Park has the best sledding in town, and I suppose I believe them, but yesterday I felt grateful for our little parklet's gentle topography: baby hills steep enough for felix to feel a thrill going down, but not high enough to exhaust me as I pulled him around on his adorable baby toboggan. Of course, I did tire out eventually, though I'm pretty sure Felix would have stayed all afternoon! He was devastated when I told him it was time to go, but glad to get unbundled and cozy back home.

Good thing we went when we did because it's all gone grey and horrible again. What can you do??

ps: felix's very first sled ride, two whole years ago!

here we go!

Felix and I are off on holiday today! We fly to St. Louis in only a few hours! It's my first time flying one-on-one with Felix, and I'm a little jittery about it, but I know he'll be the best boy, because he always is! And anyway, I've got a special surprise for him when we get to the airport:

I love packing for trips like this and I never understand why people find it difficult. It gives me a bit of anxiety, as I'm sure it does most people, but also it's a fun challenge, a great exercise in organization. You simply take how many days you'll be gone (in this case, ten), look back that many days, and bring the things you wore. Three ounces of any toiletry lasts a surprisingly long time, so it's really all you need of anything. Add some lip balm, a magazine, and your cellphone, and that's it! And don't forget your lucky charms!

In our case, with no special occasions to pack for, our luggage doesn't amount to much--which is good, because I refuse to pay $25 whole dollars to check a bag. But it'll be a long couple hours with all these carry ons at the airport! 

Good thing felix has his own ticket. I hope he can share the load!

tricks, treats, and selfies

Happy November!

First of all, please excuse the selfie--this year, instead of getting ready with a bunch of tipsy twenty-somethings (*sigh*) I prepared for Halloween with a sweetheart of a toddler who, shrewd though he may be, still hasn't mastered the art of smart-phone-photography. As it turns out, I got all dolled up for nothing--we didn't even go trick-or-treating! I think the rain, and a persistent case of the sniffles, had something to do with the decision. Instead, Felix decreed that we indulge in our typical Thursday night ritual: an apple juice at the bar while we wait for daddy to get off work (an extra special treat these days, as we recently put the kaibosh on at-home-juicing, per Doctor Glick's instruction). I'm a little disappointed by the lack of fun-sized snickers around the house, but for the sake of Felix's little baby teeth, it's probably for the best. I'm sure Doctor Glick would agree.

However! I did  discover something thanks to my erroneous 'mommy black cat' costume, which should serve us all well as the weather turns cooler: xhilaration fleece-lined leggings. They're amazing! Somehow, the fleece doesn't add any bulk, so they look just like normal leggings, but so so so much warmer.  At under $10, they're worth every penny. I've been wearing mine all week!

Do yourself a favor, guys! 

happy halloween!

I don't have any be-costumed, trick-or-treat pics to share just yet, as I'm posting In Real Time. But, here are some sweet, silly shots of us dicking around our local pumpkin patch--we didn't even buy one, since felix already imported two from Ohio! Nevertheless, I'm starting to think it's both fun and important to orchestrate this kind of goofy, seasonally-themed photo-op. You know, for posterity!

Have fun out there tonight, you guys!

xo